Breaking the Anger-Guilt Trap.

Today, I want to dive into a topic that's close to many of your hearts: breaking free from the anger-guilt trap in motherhood!

I find that it is often a misunderstood aspect of the maternal experience and so I want to share my insights on how to navigate it.

Before we dive in, I want to preface this discussion by acknowledging that anger can sometimes be a symptom of postpartum depression. If you find yourself feeling excessively angry, all the time, and it's impacting your daily life, please reach out for support from a trusted healthcare provider or mental health professional!

Now, let's talk about anger. It's important to recognise that there's a difference between the felt emotion of anger and the expression of it.

All mum’s find themselves grappling with anger, (especially when they're sleep-deprived and navigating the demands of motherhood!)

I've heard from countless mummies throughout my journey as a social worker and sleep consultant who have shared sentiments like this: "I never thought I was an angry person until I became a mum." The truth is, motherhood can bring to the surface a range of emotions, including anger, that we may not have been aware of before.

So why do mothers feel so angry? There are many reasons: physiological, biological, family system dynamics, generational patterns of anger, and social and cultural influences.

Additionally, the narrative of "the good mother" can contribute to feelings of anger and guilt.

Think about it: What comes to mind when you envision the perfect mum?

For many, it's a laundry list of traits and behaviours.. selfless, sacrificial, organised, playful with her children, effortlessly bouncing back after giving birth, never putting work before her children, and maintaining a screen-free house.

The pressure to live ⬆️ to this ideal can be overwhelming and can lead to feelings of guilt when we inevitably fall short.

So how can we tackle this anger-guilt trap?

Personally, I've found it helpful to unpack my guilt with a psychologist, exploring my values, generational patterns of guilt, and the role of social media in shaping my perceptions.

We've also delved into my unmet needs, as addressing these can help alleviate my feelings of anger and guilt. And I believe it can help you too.

For me, one area of focus has been my screen time. As a sleep consultant and social worker, I spend a significant amount of time on my phone, connecting with clients and creating content. While I know this work is important, I've had to confront the guilt that arises from feeling like I'm not fully present with my children all the time.

I encourage all mummies to unpack their guilt with someone they trust and to explore their unmet needs.

It's can be journey of self-discovery and self-compassion that can lead to greater peace and fulfillment in mummy hood.

Sending love and solidarity to all the mummies out there.

Remember, you're doing the best you can, and that's more than enough.

Until next time, hold your babies close and embrace the imperfect beauty of motherhood. With me!

Tammy Peak aka

The Sleep Goddess x